Why does my wife feel she needs male flirt friends?

Long question





My 31 yr old wife of 8 years and mother of my 2 beautiful children had an affair about 4 months ago. I caught her and she admitted to sleeping with a much younger man whom she worked with a total of 4 times in a 3 month period. She admitted it was a bad mistake but she continued to text him thereafter as she said as only a friend sporatically until I finally had enough of him being still in her life and confronted him by text which forced him to back off. He is now gone and we went about again trying to put our marrage back together. We both made bad mistakes in that I was not there for her and neglectful and for her to cheat on me. I trusted her completely before but not now which is how she got away with what she did even though I saw the signs. Because of what happened I monitor her emails and recently her Facebook page (she does not know I do this). Looking in the facebook page I found out she also went out with another guy a little before the younger man. There were some dirty conversations between them and they met at least once per what I saw. As I can tell she broke it off with him before I think they got physically intimate with each other because he blew her off a number of times which pissed her off. Another man friend on facebook that she also had interest in back then contacted her a few days ago. Per what I saw they never met and she cut off the flirting to just be friends with him. Of course he disappeared for a while but now he is back and they have starting messaging each other. She talks about how we are working things out and shes glad I could forgive her but there is still a trace of flirting between them especially a bit from him. Yesterday I was looking through our cell phone records and noticed she had been texting quite frequently to a new number in her phone which I noticed was listed as one name one week and another the next. Being suspicious I did a name trace online and found it belonged to the other man she met up with and broke it off with because he kept blowing her off. WTF. My wife has severe self esteem issues and now it seems no self respect. She has always had a problem of letting people that get close to her go to the point of putting herself in bad situations. I am so pissed off at her for what she did to me what she is still doing to my mind. I can account for all of her time and I am near 100% sure shes not screwing these guys but it bothers me that she keeps them around to flirt with. Her argument for her texting the younger man was that he was a good friend before she messed up and that why was it a problem to be just friends. I have never had problems in people having opposite sex friends but these are not true friends in that we all know they just want sex from her. I have told her how much it hurt me that she kept texting the younger man but she kept doing it and now she is in contact with other guys from that messed up time period of her life. I am about to confront her again as this crap from her has to stop. I am not a doormat although I have been acting like one. I am also thinking of contacting these other guys also to inform them of what I know. Why does she feel that she needs to force friendship on men who dont want real friendship but sex? With her self esteem issues she must like the attention but she needs to start considering me and the kids and grow up. I know it seems like it but im not a moron but I want this to try to work for the kids but I can only be knocked down and kicked so many time before I snap.Why does my wife feel she needs male flirt friends?
You can do what I did with my first wife of 16 years. Stay with her and her serial cheating, because you think it is the right thing to do. Or stop wasting your time and move on.Why does my wife feel she needs male flirt friends?
So you don't trust her, and for good reason. She may just be feeding that flame to tick you off. I wouldn't still be with her if I were you, but that's just me. Obviously, she's lacking something from you or she wouldn't be needing it from these other guys. Maybe you could sit down and talk and find out what that is. Other than this, I can't really help you. Like I said, I'd have left by now.
I didn't read it all, had to admit that.


Here's my take.


You are her doormat. She does not respect you, she does not respect your marriage. She will continue this behavior regardless of what she says. She cares first and foremost about herself, her own ego, her own pleasure and satisfaction. If she swears it will stop, it will not stop, she will just get better at hiding it. She does not have interest in being faithful to you, she wants to have freedom to screw dudes when she comes across someone that interests her.


You should get a divorce. The kids will not be served better by bearing witness to a destroyed marriage where their parents force themselves to be miserable and fight, just because of them. They will feel responsible, they will gain a poor image of marriage, they may wind up resenting one or both of you as they get older.


This is your chance to get out from this marriage which has been totally violated by your wife. In my opinion in marriage there are only 2 absolute and total deal breakers. 1 - physical abuse of spouse or children 2 - cheating. Some people can get over a cheating spouse, but I couldn't, that would be the end for me. Trust levels will never be the same, suspicion will always be there, and the hurt caused by the infidelity will never allow the same degree of love and closeness.
leave the sorry beeaaatch today. have some respect for yourself. don't talk about it with her. just kick her out. she doesn't love you. she knows you're a push over and she's abusing you. get out now dude
Look, having low self esteem is no excuse. I am saying this because I was in the same situation. And I was in your wife's position. I was engaged and in a serious realtionship, when I realized that wasn't ready to settle down. It was my first relationship and I got engaged at 18...pretty dumb when I think about it now. So I broke it off, before anyone got hurt. Part of the reason I left was because he was abusive and called and texted me 80+ a day (psycho).


Your wife doesn't seem mature enough to be in a marriage. But behavior like this is an addiction and it's very hard to stop. She feels like you will always be there, from reading your story, I can tell you are the type of guy who will work things out many many times. What your wife needs is a major slap in the face, and I don't mean literal...I mean you should take your child and leave or move out, and then reality will hit her. She needs to know how it will feel to lose a guy like you, a caring husband, b/c those other guys only want sex with her, noone will want to take care of her or her child.


Talk to her about it. If she continues, I'm sorry to say she needs therapy to take care of her issues.


Hope I helped...and Good luck to you....


I'm sorry this is happening to you..it must be frustrating to see a loved one lose control like that.





EDIT: btw, to answer your question, I felt the need to flirt with other men because I was missing something from my then fiance...he was abusive like I mentioned, and he never listened to what I had to say, if he did, in the end his answer would be ';bullshit';. He always had to be right. I am a flight attenadant and he couldn't stand the fact that I was around pilots all the time (well, it's my damn job what the hell am i supposed to do?)


Look into how you are reacting to her feelings and see if you can improve anything aswell. It takes two to tango. You guys got married, something bought you guys together....think of it...