I have loved her for about 3 years now, almost 4, at first i disregarded it as we were just close friends and i had just met her that year but i felt differently towards her. She used to be touchy with me, holding my arm when walking, sitting close to me, and stuff but since i felt different with her i pretended i didn't like it just in case i began to make it obvious by blushing or something but she continued to. Then when we would IM each other she would type I love you and i would pretend to not like that and say to stop saying those things but i figured that's what most girls do but on the inside i knew i was hoping she meant it. later that first year i realized that I had a crush on her but i kept telling myself i just felt really close to her. the next year we didn't see each other much as we had no classes together in school but whenever i saw her after school or talked online i felt great and so happy. I remember i had moments where i just looked at her when she wasn't noticing and just wondered '; Wow, shes beautiful'; but quickly looked away before anyone saw. This year i have almost all classes with her except one, but everything else i see her, homeroom, lunch, and all my classes. We got really close again but this year shes not touchy with me, but she is with the rest of her friends. Im not a touchy person or anything but it kinda makes me a bit sad and a tad jealous at times. I know i wouldn't get touchy with her in fear of making it obvious how i feel or feeling kinda awkward due to my emotions, and sometimes i hope that this is her reason too but who knows. This year I've realized that my crush may have turned into love, falling deeper with each passing day. Ive distanced myself from her some days during the year in hopes of getting over this feeling but all it does is get me depressed and she notices when i'm sad and asks me whats wrong but i cant tell her since my biggest fear is losing her. Lately ive been getting jealous of the guys that touchy with her and the girls too. there's this guy that liked her and two other girls and was flirting with them which drove me nuts because he tried to put his arm around her or give her a hug or hold her hand or be very near her. Then my supposedly my other friend liked her too and was getting touchy with her too. The thing that got me sad and caused me to always look away is that she sometimes would play along, except for the putting arm around her and stuff like that. It breaks my heart more and more everyday watching that. A couple of weeks ago at a party my friends were bugging me trying to figure out who i like and i said that i loved her but i said as though i were joking even though i really mean it. I then began to flirt and act like i would if i could and started saying that i missed her whenever i didn't see her, and asking her to prom. Whenever my friends were watching she wouldn't answer my comments or question, but when they were paying attention she would answer and look at me and smile ( oh how i love her smile, and i even loved it before she got her braces off, she was amazing with them and still stunning without them). Even now i still ';joke'; that i love her ';acting'; very jealous when my friend flirts with her and touches her trying to get me mad which i ';jokingly'; do. Every time someone flirts with her or gets touchy i have to look away because it hurts so much. The one dude that liked the three girls continues to flirt with her even though one of them is already going to prom with him and they say that they love each other which ticks me off. I've been trying to distance myself these past two weeks but doing so makes me depressed and she noticed this depression and says she wants me to cheer up because im boring like this and wants to know why im so sad but i could never bring myself to tell her. I came out to my other friend and told him who i liked and he understood and says he doesn't care he understands whats it like to find out your not who you thought you were. Hes really an amazing friend for understanding. I just wish everyone was as open minded as him. I love her so much it hurts, and sometimes i feel like she loves me back but other times i feel like she just loves me as a best friend. It kills me knowing ill probably never know how she feels, knowing that if i tell her i may lose her forever or make things extremely awkward distancing our friendship, knowing that if she feels the same way and neither of us can say how we feel we're losing something great, knowing that i may driving her away... im dying inside more and more each day, i don't know what to do anymore i just want to break down, i also have no idea how im going to tell my family...ive always been a tomboy and always suspected i may be Bi since i was younger, but i could never come to terms with it....im so lost, confused, and hurt right now...what do i do.....?14 going on 15, have fallen in love with my best friend but shes the same gender...?
Hey,
Growing up is all about finding out who you are and sometimes its not what you expect. I think that finding out you're attracted to the same sex is one of the hardest things to deal with because its an issue that some of society doesnt take lightly. Its fine to be different, and I know its hard but you just have to embrace it.
As to your feelings for your best friend, you need to prepare yourself for the worst. My friends and I all say I love you and hug, hold hands etc but we're all straight, and what you think may be signs of attraction on her behalf may just be friendliness. You also said that she's stopped doing that to you - well didnt you tell her to stop? Just start doing that stuff to her to show that you're comfortable with it. You shouldnt hide who you are and what you like!! But i wouldn't tell her your feelings straight out, girls your age can be horrible and I wouldn't want for you to get hurt. Just take each day as it comes and if things feel right and the timing is perfect, tell her.
My advice to you is to keep talking to your guy friend. He sounds like a great guy who would do anything for you. You can't let go of that friendship!
Oh and if things don't work out between you and the girl, it will hurt and be difficult, and I know it will seem like your whole world has come crashing down, but sometimes things just arent meant to be. Life hands as learning curves, and one day you will find that person who really loves you.
I wish you the best of luck :)14 going on 15, have fallen in love with my best friend but shes the same gender...?
take your special friend aside one day and just spill it to her...if she doesn't like you like that anymore or whatever then u just aRE going to have to deal with it. if she does then great. but you have to remember that her feelings matter as much as urs do :) and about the whole telling your family thing, yikes! im not sure how ur gonna pull that one off, but they're your family. they may not understand at first but its your life. make the most of it
Holy wall of txt!
but anyway..
If you think your Bi, Go with it. Talk to your friend, pull her aside and see if she feels the same or is willing to give it a go. Hell from what I have seen, Bi folk have all the fun. :)
GL
Wow, lady! Sounds like you got a major freaking crush and she may too! When did her behavior change from flirty? and why? Are you worried that your family wont accept you? If they don't, you have a huge safety net in the gay community. Most of us have been rejected by our parents (although many are more fortunate) or friends or peers. They provided me with a family of people who understand and would never shun or alienate me. Its scary because you know life is going to be harder than if you were straight, but you know who you are and we cannot fight that.
So, advice... be honest. Tell her how you feel and if she returns the sentiment, woohoo. If she doesn't, then at least you can stop clamoring in the torture! You will know the truth and you can move on to focus your affections on someone which is would not be wasted. Either way... few people gay or straight, marry their high school crush. I remember how scary the ';firsts'; are but try to learn all you can fro every situation and then none are a waste, even if they don't go the way you would have liked. So, lighten up and try to enjoy the ride life is taking you on! And check the local teen gay scene, bet you'll be surprised at how big the sea is!
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